Branches

I just finished a big bowl of soup, which I made myself of course. I decided that I would explore the opportunity of branching out into soups - as a bit of a sideline to my burgeoning pasta sauce business.

What's all this? - I hear you ask. Well, I recently discovered that I am a very good cook... particularly when it comes to things that are very detailed and have a rather lengthy process attached to them. Hence, cooking tomato sauces from scratch, and making my own chicken stock out of the carcass of my roast chicken.

So, what other branches of cooking involve such long winded processes of cooking? I'm wondering if Lavender can be used to cook with, because I recently purchased a little lavender plant and planted it in my front garden. Now that would be a lengthy process...

Actually, I'd really like to start growing my own vegetables. Mum just gave me a rocket plant, which I'm assured will grow without much attention. I like this kind of growing and imagine that sweet potatoes, green beans and carrots require an equally minimal attention span.

Oh - and you know how I said I wanted a compost bin? Well, I think I've been persuaded to start a worm farm instead. Apparently it's better for the environment (given that it involves helping out a fellow creature) and it creates a much better soil. And I"m gonna need the highest quality soil for all these veggies I'm gonna be growing!

Anti-Boredom

In an attempt to stifle my never ending boredom, I have decided to create a list of things I would like to do before I'm 30. (If you're not aware, I only have 3.5 years before this happens.)

1. Start a compost bin and dispose of all vegetable matter in an eco-friendly way.
2. Get a job that does not wholly consist of sales and/or recruitment advertising.
3. Pay off all my debt.
4. Go back to the UK for a holiday.
5. Buy my own house.
6. Start a veggie garden (with herbs too).
7. Be mood-stabiliser free (this includes evening primrose oil).
8. Have a "boyfriend", if only just for one day...
9. Drive an Aston Martin DB9.
10. Not have to take anti-histamines every day.
11. Not be afraid of social commitments and stop being so reclusive.

And I think that's it... for now. Any suggestions?

Anti-Health

I read an article today that was promoting a new anti-oxidant juice. It's supposed to help detoxify your body etc etc. It asked a number of questions about how healthy you are and stuff, to try and gauge whether or not you should try said drink.

So, in the interests of not doing any work, I took the little survey to find out how I rate on the 'health scale'. The answer to my endeavours? "You answered (A) to every question: You are super human and probably don't really exist."

So - to start with this made me feel a little cheated. I DO exist. I even had a quick look around the office to make sure that I am, in fact, in existence, and that there are, in fact, living, breathing people around me. Then, I started to feel crap! I thought, ok, so I'm not supposed to be this healthy? I've spent the last 6 months trying to be mindful of everything that goes in to my body and for what? To be told that I'm too healthy to be ALIVE?

So what - I ask you - what exactly would you like me to do, 'Mindy', if that is your real name...? Should I be heading to my nearest McDonalds to purchase a McFatty burger? Or should I just skip the wastefulness of consuming food and get an IV of fat hooked up to my right arm?

Seriously - you spend your life trying to do what they tell you, then they throw it back in your face. Well SCREW THEM - I'm happy being healthy; I like going to the gym every day; I enjoy brown rice! I throw my health right back at you!! Take that MINDY. What kind of a fucking name is Mindy anyway... pah - the only thing she's got is a song by Homer J Simpson about a turkey. RUBBISH.

Liquidity

I'm detoxing today - liquid only. Juices, water and nutrient water thingies. Why? Because I ate 7 slices of pizza last night and I feel like a fat ho-bag. Also, I didn't go to the gym this morning, and I feel like a fat ho-bag.

Problem is, I think my brain doesn't work without food. I feel like I'm floating around on a bubble of water. I'm going to Yoga at lunch though, so that feeling should prove effective for me. Unless it turns into lightheadedness. Buggeration.

So, I'm in the midst of PMT. I've figured out that my PMT has a pattern, as follows:

day 1 of pmt: sad and very sensitive. possible tears.
day 2: melancholy, touchy, possible outbursts of randomness.
day 3: melancholy, less touchy, relaxed. Bloated.
day 4: BLOATED. outbursts of anger.
day 5: outbursts of anger; tears are likely.
day 6: hunger. insatiable, crazy hunger. relaxed.
day 7: touchy, angry, slightly bored, and a bit depressed.
day 8: nothing.

This pattern is only when it hits bad, which isn't every month. How nice of me to provide some relief for myself.

Um, so at the moment, I'm on Day 7. I also ate 2 chocolate bars yesterday. Got - what a fatty mcfatterson I am...

Hippy-Modernism

Apparently nobody else cares that my supermarket only stocks one variety of organic milk, and sometimes doesn't stock ANY. What, I ask you, are we healthy, green types supposed to drink with our cereal? This morning I had to stoop to ordinary milk, and it was REVOLTING.

I might be exaggerating a little... it wasn't "revolting" - it was just... kind of, normal. Which I don't like anymore! God damn it. I'm allowed to be picky.

So, on the theme of supermarkets, I am no longer buying any fruit, vegetables or eggs from the big chain stores. I will only go to small greengrocers, or preferably, posh market type places on Saturday mornings dressed in my gym gear carrying an organic skimmed chai latte and my yoga mat. This is all in aide of the ENVIRONMENT. Yes people - I am slowly making my way to Modern Hippy status.

I burn incense - because it makes visitors think I'm cultured.
I eat organic food - because I can AFFORD it.
I turn off my appliances - because these appliances are MINE and mine alone.

Seriously - it's nothing to do with appearances AT ALL. It's about saving face.... I mean, saving the environment.

I know I'll have support from one of my avid readers - this woman is one of the finer species of humanity; she has designer sunglasses, she appreciates the importance of driving a small but wholly unnecessary car, she most probably goes to her local market wearing yoga gear and a Louis Vuitton trolley basket.... Yes Merrows - it's you.

Overhang

I previously lived in a land where hangovers were a bad, miserable event. I now live in a land where they're FUCKING COOL and a whole heap of fun.

I've decided that I very much enjoy the insatiable appetite and ability to chow down on pretty much anything that has flavour and get the momentary satisfaction of 'desert tongue' disappearing under the veil of grease and unhealthy food items.

I've also decided that I very much enjoy the way my mind seems to turn into an empty vessel which is sporadically visited by bizarre and incomprehensible thoughts which make me laugh, and make those around me stare at me like I've just taken my quirkiness one step too far towards the realms of madness.

I have decided that I very much enjoy the influx of humour; whether this be unwittingly delivered by other people or accidentally delivered by me, I find the most mundane utterances hilarious and every single noise that enters my auditory field sends me into a fit of giggles.


Is this healthy? No.
Could I cope with this more than once a week? No.
Am I possibly in danger of being sent to the loony bin? Yes.


But I don't care cos I'm FUCKING HILARIOUS.