Boo - it's almost Monday. That sucks many kinds of balls, I'm sure you'll agree. So, what shall I do to make myself feel a little better? I'll keep denying the fact that I do kind of need to start thinking about work again, and I'll stuff my face full of dates because it's the only thing I have in my house that is vaguely sweet.
I am SO good at not buying junk food when I'm at the supermarket, and then it all falls apart when I suffer incredible cravings for sweet things. I end up doing really stupid things, like dipping my finger in the honey jar, or, as mentioned above, pigging out on copious amounts of dried fruit.
Does anybody know what happens when you eat a shit load of fibre? 'Shit load' being the operative phrase there...
Onto less nasty subjects - am I the only person in the world who finds it very difficult to understand the sporting people in this country? Let me give you an example: League Players and their coaches. When was the last time you actually understood what one of them said? I actually think that Wayne Bennett IS speaking another language - I don't even recognise any of the sounds that come out of his mouth. I'm thinking that maybe this is a side effect of too many high tackles - but the phenomenon does not extend to AFL players - I can understand them just fine.
Hmmm - I've run out of dates...
Ok, so anyway, thank you, Toes, for a lovely BBQ and some very fine garlic yesterday - it's almost like I could taste the goodness when I woke up this morning! I apologise for having to leave with only 3 drinks under my belt, but you see, I am a pussy. I think I have decided that I can't actually handle hangovers - at least, temporarily. While I am still getting used to being a very busy working person, I can't risk wasting one of my weekend days feeling like death.
So, as I sit and munch on my dates and wait for Colin to come over for "cuddle time", I realise that I am destined to be a loser for a little while longer - at least until my job gets less frighteningly busy.
Sunday, 28 September 2008
Sunday, 21 September 2008
It's all good...
Don't worry - I haven't died due to workload. In fact, I have actually got used to it! Now having less than 6 meetings in a day seems odd. So, it's all good.
What's also 'all good' is everything. That's right - EVERYTHING. Due to some rather unfortunate circumstances I have had a moment of enlightenment to do with an apparent friend of mine. This friend has made it quite clear in the past two weeks (through an absolute lack of contact) that he does not want to be friends with me.
To be frank, it's made my job a hell of a lot easier. You see, the lack of contact has actually given me some much needed perspective! I've realised that I don't want to be friends with him! I've even gone one step further and can now say that my life is 100% better without him. It's like a weight has been lifted and replaced with a small amount of pity. I pity him due to the fact that he's quite clearly destined to live a miserable life with nobody who he can confide in or feel completely at ease with. He has set this up for himself so has nobody else to blame but himself - which makes the situation he's in all the more pitiable.
I was once part of his life of lies, but now I am free of it. And if anybody asks me anything about his sordid and debaucherous life, I will freely tell all if I feel like it.
But to be honest, right now, I don't want to waste any more of my precious time thinking, let alone speaking, of him. I feel sorry for him and the pain of my sorrow is not something that I deserve. So let it be known - I no longer associate with liars and I only have time for the truth.
What a release!
What's also 'all good' is everything. That's right - EVERYTHING. Due to some rather unfortunate circumstances I have had a moment of enlightenment to do with an apparent friend of mine. This friend has made it quite clear in the past two weeks (through an absolute lack of contact) that he does not want to be friends with me.
To be frank, it's made my job a hell of a lot easier. You see, the lack of contact has actually given me some much needed perspective! I've realised that I don't want to be friends with him! I've even gone one step further and can now say that my life is 100% better without him. It's like a weight has been lifted and replaced with a small amount of pity. I pity him due to the fact that he's quite clearly destined to live a miserable life with nobody who he can confide in or feel completely at ease with. He has set this up for himself so has nobody else to blame but himself - which makes the situation he's in all the more pitiable.
I was once part of his life of lies, but now I am free of it. And if anybody asks me anything about his sordid and debaucherous life, I will freely tell all if I feel like it.
But to be honest, right now, I don't want to waste any more of my precious time thinking, let alone speaking, of him. I feel sorry for him and the pain of my sorrow is not something that I deserve. So let it be known - I no longer associate with liars and I only have time for the truth.
What a release!
Friday, 12 September 2008
24 / 4 = 0
Well fans, it's been a while. I was up in Cairnsville this week - largeing it up with the north qld massive, innit. It was pleasant enough. Planes suck. So do hotels. But hey - it was all free. Now, don't get me wrong - this weren't no holiday. I worked my fat arse off. I did 24 meetings in 4 days. That's got to be some kind of world record. It has paid off though. I'm a popular salesperson.
It's all about short sentences today. Brain is tired. I am tired. Colin is cranky cos he misses Toes and Co. I am SO very glad it's the weekend. When you work this hard during the week you almost cry with the anticipation of a night's sleep, let alone 2 days off!
I'm going for dinner with Chappsy Wappsy tomorrow - hooray! I'm sure there'll be plenty to catch up on - we haven't talked in, like, weeks! How exciting.
Um, so I should have warned you that my brain can't work properly so the content of this blog is bound to suffer. In fact, you probably shouldn't have even bothered reading this. Well done if you did. If you did, you might just understand the equation outlined in the title of this blog. It does, indeed, equal NOTHING.
It's all about short sentences today. Brain is tired. I am tired. Colin is cranky cos he misses Toes and Co. I am SO very glad it's the weekend. When you work this hard during the week you almost cry with the anticipation of a night's sleep, let alone 2 days off!
I'm going for dinner with Chappsy Wappsy tomorrow - hooray! I'm sure there'll be plenty to catch up on - we haven't talked in, like, weeks! How exciting.
Um, so I should have warned you that my brain can't work properly so the content of this blog is bound to suffer. In fact, you probably shouldn't have even bothered reading this. Well done if you did. If you did, you might just understand the equation outlined in the title of this blog. It does, indeed, equal NOTHING.
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Did I say... effective...?
I'm sorry - did I possibly make the gigantic assumption that I would be leaving this course a more effective and well rounded individual? Did I also allude to the thought that my new colleagues are intelligent people...? Well fuck me backwards and call me Tuesday - what a dumb-fuck I was...
The "course" I have spent the day taking is nothing other than a ginormous piece of American, Evangelist, Self Empowering, Motivational, Self Help TRIPE. I've never tasted tripe of such disgusting rancidity. The first section of the day (4 hours and 34 minutes) was devoted to... wait for it... Shifting your paradigms.
Yes - apparently we all suffer under paradigms every day, and we fail in our lives due to the assumptions and actions that these paradigms necessarily inflict upon us. An example was given - joy! - which I shall translate:
I was sitting on a subway in New York and a man boarded, followed by his two children. The children were running up and down the train making a heap of noise and the man just sat and didn't do anything. So I asked him to keep his children under control, as I naturally assumed that he just had no regard for others on the train. He replied to me, 'Oh, I'm sorry, but my wife just died half an hour ago and they don't really know how to cope. Neither do I.' I was overcome with such compassion and guilt, and I realised that my paradigms had just been shifted.
My response to this? No. Your fucking paradigms haven't been shifted - you were just caught with your holier than thou foot in your god damned mouth and you wanted to blame the feeling of stupidity on a quasi-psychological sounding issue. You're trying to massage your ego and now you want us to massage ours by admitting similar 'shifts'.
This bullshit was followed by instructions on how to write a "Personal Mission Statement". We were shown a video as inspiration - the video involved a series of snapshots of families, children, happy people running on the beach, old married couples and a bunch of words rolling across the screen in time to excessively cheesy music, like "happy to be alive", "in love", "satisfied", "commitment", "complete". Then the video stopped and (after vomiting a little in my mouth) we were instructed to 'just write down your feelings'. Mine went a little like this: "Fucking pile of hippy wank - fuck off with your self-righteous mumbo jumbo bullshit and go back to your jesus-loving piece of crap homeland you mother fucking american arse licking cocksuckers.'
The anger I expressed was more than anything I've felt in a while and to start with, I was slightly ashamed. But I did what I always do when I'm faced with an 'am I being emotionally retarded and too cynical or is everybody around me just a dumb bastard' moment, and I went and asked my mum.
She confirmed: Bazza - I'd have told them to go and play with themselves.
I love you mum.
The "course" I have spent the day taking is nothing other than a ginormous piece of American, Evangelist, Self Empowering, Motivational, Self Help TRIPE. I've never tasted tripe of such disgusting rancidity. The first section of the day (4 hours and 34 minutes) was devoted to... wait for it... Shifting your paradigms.
Yes - apparently we all suffer under paradigms every day, and we fail in our lives due to the assumptions and actions that these paradigms necessarily inflict upon us. An example was given - joy! - which I shall translate:
I was sitting on a subway in New York and a man boarded, followed by his two children. The children were running up and down the train making a heap of noise and the man just sat and didn't do anything. So I asked him to keep his children under control, as I naturally assumed that he just had no regard for others on the train. He replied to me, 'Oh, I'm sorry, but my wife just died half an hour ago and they don't really know how to cope. Neither do I.' I was overcome with such compassion and guilt, and I realised that my paradigms had just been shifted.
My response to this? No. Your fucking paradigms haven't been shifted - you were just caught with your holier than thou foot in your god damned mouth and you wanted to blame the feeling of stupidity on a quasi-psychological sounding issue. You're trying to massage your ego and now you want us to massage ours by admitting similar 'shifts'.
This bullshit was followed by instructions on how to write a "Personal Mission Statement". We were shown a video as inspiration - the video involved a series of snapshots of families, children, happy people running on the beach, old married couples and a bunch of words rolling across the screen in time to excessively cheesy music, like "happy to be alive", "in love", "satisfied", "commitment", "complete". Then the video stopped and (after vomiting a little in my mouth) we were instructed to 'just write down your feelings'. Mine went a little like this: "Fucking pile of hippy wank - fuck off with your self-righteous mumbo jumbo bullshit and go back to your jesus-loving piece of crap homeland you mother fucking american arse licking cocksuckers.'
The anger I expressed was more than anything I've felt in a while and to start with, I was slightly ashamed. But I did what I always do when I'm faced with an 'am I being emotionally retarded and too cynical or is everybody around me just a dumb bastard' moment, and I went and asked my mum.
She confirmed: Bazza - I'd have told them to go and play with themselves.
I love you mum.
Personally Effective
Today I am embarking upon a course. Accompanying me on this course are 7 of my new colleagues from around the country. Some of them have been there for years, some for a few weeks, but all are in need of achieving complete Personal Effectiveness.
The pre-course work involved answering the following questions. I have given you my answers in order for you to gauge an adequate idea of what I will be doing, and indeed how I will change, over the next 2 days:
1) Describe an area in your life where you would like to be more effective - this can be work related, or something from your personal life:
I feel that while I am highly effective in some areas of my life, others are in need of fine tuning. Some areas that I would like to focus on are; ironing, folding fitted sheets, washing dishes, sweeping and washing the floors and being able to position a tissue up my nose so as to completely stop the flow of snot brought on by the recent lurgy I have suffered.
2) What areas of work would you like to improve, and be more effective in:
Well, considering I've done a mammoth term of 2 weeks, I'd quite like to be more effective in knowing stuff. If it's at all possible for me to transplant my bosses brain into my head, that'd be just peachy.
3) What lasting impression would you like to leave on people that you meet at work, and in your social life:
Currently I see myself as 'that chick with the strange looking cat', whereas a label more like, 'that chick with the strange looking cat who's, like, super cool and as hot as a beaver in a sauna' would be pretty damn sweet.
So, I guess we'll see how it goes - of course, I'll attempt to update you on my transformation.
The pre-course work involved answering the following questions. I have given you my answers in order for you to gauge an adequate idea of what I will be doing, and indeed how I will change, over the next 2 days:
1) Describe an area in your life where you would like to be more effective - this can be work related, or something from your personal life:
I feel that while I am highly effective in some areas of my life, others are in need of fine tuning. Some areas that I would like to focus on are; ironing, folding fitted sheets, washing dishes, sweeping and washing the floors and being able to position a tissue up my nose so as to completely stop the flow of snot brought on by the recent lurgy I have suffered.
2) What areas of work would you like to improve, and be more effective in:
Well, considering I've done a mammoth term of 2 weeks, I'd quite like to be more effective in knowing stuff. If it's at all possible for me to transplant my bosses brain into my head, that'd be just peachy.
3) What lasting impression would you like to leave on people that you meet at work, and in your social life:
Currently I see myself as 'that chick with the strange looking cat', whereas a label more like, 'that chick with the strange looking cat who's, like, super cool and as hot as a beaver in a sauna' would be pretty damn sweet.
So, I guess we'll see how it goes - of course, I'll attempt to update you on my transformation.
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