Hello! What's this? A mid-week blog? Have we gone back in time? No. I've just managed to get an early mark and feel like I actually have the energy to write something.
An early mark was prescribed to collect my new computer from dell. It's beautiful! I just wanna touch it and stuff... But, I'm not touching it until the Geek arrives. I've decided that I can't possibly set up a home wireless network with three computers on my own, so I have asked for a Geek! You know - the 'geeks2u' service. So we'll see if they can sort it out.
I quite like the idea of hiring a geek to visit me at home... it's almost like an escort... I know I can't "do" anything with him, but you know, I can pretend. And hey, maybe the geek that comes to 'hook me up' will be a single, attractive and rugged looking geek...? You never know. And I don't think I'm that fussy anyway. The only requirements I have for a man are, a) he doesn't lie, b) he tells me the truth at all times, c) he isn't a drug addict [or an addict of anything] and d) he likes pussies. Cats. You know. Colin.
So I guess when I'm done with the geek - when he's made my connection - sourced my wires - rebooted my hard drive - fiddled with my settings ... maybe then I will blog again and let you know how it all went.
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Saturday, 23 August 2008
Still Alive
Well, I'm still here - contrary to popular opinion. New job is great but as you have probably noticed is keeping me very busy. In fact, today is Saturday but I'm going into the office. (This is purely a trip in to make sure that a connect was achieved last night and my book orders went through. I will only be there for 5 minutes. Hopefully.)
Then I'm going shopping and then I'm going out with my little Chappy!! Hooray for Chappers!
Life without Chappers and Roy is a little dull, but thankfully the outlook is positive in the new office. Scowser and Twoface are keeping me fairly amused, and my ever growing affection for Tiny is encouraging. Who are these people? They are my new colleagues.
The car is exciting - I may have mentioned the fact that I get a company car - well, it's huge. I swear I could fit 2 Jaydens in it's boot. The new Car is called Job. Yes - as in the Book of Job in the bible. I didn't choose his name so don't blame me. And I'm getting rid of him in March for a less religious car. Little Jayden is most likely being sold on Monday - the money is just being finalised. Poor little Jayden is going to a P Plater, so no doubt his stereo will be cranked and his wing mirrors will be lost in time.
Speaking of things that I love being lost - has anybody else had a disturbing reaction to the story of Colin the baby whale? (Aside: Did anybody else notice that Colin is becoming a very popular name? I totally started that.) I have not been able to watch the news due to work hours, and I'm glad. Every time I even start to think about poor little Colin the whale snuggling up to the yachts trying to find milk, my eyes well up and a severe pout develops on my face. Is it because he's a poor defenseless creature who is now being left in the incapable hands of a lesser mammal that's possibly far too quick to pull out the lethal injection and clean up the problem? No - it's because his name is Colin - images of my Colin snuggling up to a statue or a tree, thinking it's me and then being put down, are rife. It's horrific, to say the least.
Ok people - I'll attempt to write during the week, but I don't see how it's going to be possible as the coming week will be busier than the last. Ho hum - such is the life of a worker.
Then I'm going shopping and then I'm going out with my little Chappy!! Hooray for Chappers!
Life without Chappers and Roy is a little dull, but thankfully the outlook is positive in the new office. Scowser and Twoface are keeping me fairly amused, and my ever growing affection for Tiny is encouraging. Who are these people? They are my new colleagues.
The car is exciting - I may have mentioned the fact that I get a company car - well, it's huge. I swear I could fit 2 Jaydens in it's boot. The new Car is called Job. Yes - as in the Book of Job in the bible. I didn't choose his name so don't blame me. And I'm getting rid of him in March for a less religious car. Little Jayden is most likely being sold on Monday - the money is just being finalised. Poor little Jayden is going to a P Plater, so no doubt his stereo will be cranked and his wing mirrors will be lost in time.
Speaking of things that I love being lost - has anybody else had a disturbing reaction to the story of Colin the baby whale? (Aside: Did anybody else notice that Colin is becoming a very popular name? I totally started that.) I have not been able to watch the news due to work hours, and I'm glad. Every time I even start to think about poor little Colin the whale snuggling up to the yachts trying to find milk, my eyes well up and a severe pout develops on my face. Is it because he's a poor defenseless creature who is now being left in the incapable hands of a lesser mammal that's possibly far too quick to pull out the lethal injection and clean up the problem? No - it's because his name is Colin - images of my Colin snuggling up to a statue or a tree, thinking it's me and then being put down, are rife. It's horrific, to say the least.
Ok people - I'll attempt to write during the week, but I don't see how it's going to be possible as the coming week will be busier than the last. Ho hum - such is the life of a worker.
Sunday, 17 August 2008
Episode IV: A New Hope
Yes, it's another new beginning for Bazza. Starting over again and again until I get it right. Think of me as Han Solo - flying around the universe in a haze of self-obsession, destined to be happy one day but forever flying into trouble and mischief along the way.
Tomorrow I start my new job. Fate has kindly come to take away my current spaceship; Jayden. He will belong to a new captain in a few short days, I am assured. Finances are just being sorted. My new Spaceship arrives tomorrow afternoon. Of course, I won't know his name until I meet him, but I'll be sure to introduce you.
I am kind of excited about the new job, but also apprehensive. Only because it's so damned important that I do a fantastic job. I'm gonna be so focused and disciplined - I might be a little scary. But it's ok - Colin's used to it and I don't really give a shit.
So, I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow, and hopefully, as per my recent predictions, Episode's V and VI will be postponed indefinitely.
Tomorrow I start my new job. Fate has kindly come to take away my current spaceship; Jayden. He will belong to a new captain in a few short days, I am assured. Finances are just being sorted. My new Spaceship arrives tomorrow afternoon. Of course, I won't know his name until I meet him, but I'll be sure to introduce you.
I am kind of excited about the new job, but also apprehensive. Only because it's so damned important that I do a fantastic job. I'm gonna be so focused and disciplined - I might be a little scary. But it's ok - Colin's used to it and I don't really give a shit.
So, I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow, and hopefully, as per my recent predictions, Episode's V and VI will be postponed indefinitely.
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Handover
This is officially my last full day at work - tomorrow will largely be spent clearing things out and drinking too much. So, in order to make sure that my most prized legacies and possessions in this job are handed over effectively, and carried forth into a successful future, I write my Handover:
Day-to-Day tasks:
Being the Government Account Manager is a tough job. Working 20 hours a week is sometimes called for, and in these times of difficulty it is important to assure all friends that you will be back on Facebook by the end of the day. It's not fair to keep them hanging on while you do your job, so please keep them in mind.
It is also important to let your family know of your revised working hours. The average is a 9 - 4 day, but more often than not, you will be required to leave the office for home at about 3pm. The majority of your tasks can be completed between the hours of 10 and 11am, so bear this in mind when organising social functions and "meetings".
Internal Contacts:
From now on, your priority is Chappers. She is now the most important thing in your life, for without her you cannot enjoy the flexibility of this role. If it weren't for her, you'd probably be working 9-5; and I mean, actual WORK during ALL of those hours. Nobody wants that to happen, so keep Chappers happy.
Another consideration is your new neighbour, Roy. It is vital to keep him on his toes. There are various ways you can achieve this but my favourites are:
Punching
Yelling
Crying
Screaming
Kicking
Pointing and Laughing
Feel free to add your own methods into the mix - he gets bored pretty easily and truly does appreciate the 'banter'. Also, don't let him eat too many lollies; they're bad for him and they send him a little bit spastic too. (Note: Only allow him sugar-free beverages.)
And that's pretty much it. Anything I haven't mentioned is most likely something you can do with your eyes closed and your finger up your bum. (Roy is really good at this actually, so if you find yourself getting "stressed out", just take a leaf out of his book and go on the TAB site or look at some porn. Works a treat.)
Day-to-Day tasks:
Being the Government Account Manager is a tough job. Working 20 hours a week is sometimes called for, and in these times of difficulty it is important to assure all friends that you will be back on Facebook by the end of the day. It's not fair to keep them hanging on while you do your job, so please keep them in mind.
It is also important to let your family know of your revised working hours. The average is a 9 - 4 day, but more often than not, you will be required to leave the office for home at about 3pm. The majority of your tasks can be completed between the hours of 10 and 11am, so bear this in mind when organising social functions and "meetings".
Internal Contacts:
From now on, your priority is Chappers. She is now the most important thing in your life, for without her you cannot enjoy the flexibility of this role. If it weren't for her, you'd probably be working 9-5; and I mean, actual WORK during ALL of those hours. Nobody wants that to happen, so keep Chappers happy.
Another consideration is your new neighbour, Roy. It is vital to keep him on his toes. There are various ways you can achieve this but my favourites are:
Punching
Yelling
Crying
Screaming
Kicking
Pointing and Laughing
Feel free to add your own methods into the mix - he gets bored pretty easily and truly does appreciate the 'banter'. Also, don't let him eat too many lollies; they're bad for him and they send him a little bit spastic too. (Note: Only allow him sugar-free beverages.)
And that's pretty much it. Anything I haven't mentioned is most likely something you can do with your eyes closed and your finger up your bum. (Roy is really good at this actually, so if you find yourself getting "stressed out", just take a leaf out of his book and go on the TAB site or look at some porn. Works a treat.)
Thursday, 7 August 2008
Shitty
I'm a little bit shitty today - no, I'm not talking about my bowel movements; they're fine thanks - I'm talking about my general mood.
I'm shitty cos it's cold and I don't seem to have warm enough clothes and refuse to wear gloves in this country. So I can barely type cos my little fingers are frozen.
I'm shitty cos I've got one week (and a day) left of work and then I have to say bye bye to my lovely Chappers. I think I'll cry.
I'm shitty cos the man in the office who calls us "girls" and refuses to learn our names STILL hasn't got the hint - even though I yelled "WE'VE GOT NAMES!!!!" at him the other day.
I'm shitty cos I weighed myself at the gym this morning and I've put on weight AGAIN. It's a total of 4kg in the last 2 months and I don't know why it's happening! Maybe it's muscle, cos I've been doing more weights than cardio - or maybe it's the wine...
I'm shitty cos the wine seems to be making me put on weight, and it's the only thing that's currently keeping me from sending an email to my current CEO telling him how fucking shit this company is.
Now I'm shitty cos I can't think of anything else that I'm shitty about.
Fuck.
I'm shitty cos it's cold and I don't seem to have warm enough clothes and refuse to wear gloves in this country. So I can barely type cos my little fingers are frozen.
I'm shitty cos I've got one week (and a day) left of work and then I have to say bye bye to my lovely Chappers. I think I'll cry.
I'm shitty cos the man in the office who calls us "girls" and refuses to learn our names STILL hasn't got the hint - even though I yelled "WE'VE GOT NAMES!!!!" at him the other day.
I'm shitty cos I weighed myself at the gym this morning and I've put on weight AGAIN. It's a total of 4kg in the last 2 months and I don't know why it's happening! Maybe it's muscle, cos I've been doing more weights than cardio - or maybe it's the wine...
I'm shitty cos the wine seems to be making me put on weight, and it's the only thing that's currently keeping me from sending an email to my current CEO telling him how fucking shit this company is.
Now I'm shitty cos I can't think of anything else that I'm shitty about.
Fuck.
Friday, 1 August 2008
Vapid
Manager from WA just left and she didn't even say goodbye to me. Seriously - had her back to me the majority of the time. Fucking whore. To make matters worse, she's the most insipid, lacklustre, vapid waste of space I've ever had the misfortune to encounter. And to think that she felt she was so far above me that she didn't even have to say goodbye - when I'm leaving the fucking company in two weeks and she won't see me ever again - not even a fucking thank you for all the fucking money I've brought in to this fuck-hole company. Seriously - she's appalling. She couldn't organise a fuck in a brothel and she has the balls to try and tell us how to run our office and what to do when we're more fucking capable than her at everything. Fuck.
So, now that I've vented, I am feeling much more relaxed. I'm going out tonight to eat a shit load of red meat and ice cream. Yessss... and I need a wine before then. And that's it.
So, now that I've vented, I am feeling much more relaxed. I'm going out tonight to eat a shit load of red meat and ice cream. Yessss... and I need a wine before then. And that's it.
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